I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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