I forgot how hot balto sounded
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
