Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
