Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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