His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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