So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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