So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
