ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
