I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
