A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize