You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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