He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
