My liver just broke up with me...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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