I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
