And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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