I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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