He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
