the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
