at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
be right there i have to get my cape
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
