my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
