i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize