I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
