she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
