i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is Oprah even human
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
