Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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