So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The ass gains better be worth it
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