If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
