omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
