you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
