Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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