everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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