Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
