I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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