Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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