Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
