Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
