Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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