I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
