i love accidental penises.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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