Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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