Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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