I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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