so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
