So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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