my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
