Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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