There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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