Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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