I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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