I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
