No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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