Already got asked if we're dating
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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