we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
