she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize