god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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