She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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