Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Who died my cat blue again?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
