The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
