Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
