you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
