You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize