I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
