did you get engaged???
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
