Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
