When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
