Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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