WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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