Plan B is the new Plan A
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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