Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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