why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
