In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
